My Own Private Horror Film.

oh the horror font

Lately I’ve been having a spate of really odd nightmarish dreams, for the last three nights I’ve been awoken from my gentle hibernating bear like slumber in a fear induced cold sweat hurriedly flinging off the damp bedclothes and reaching for the side light in a frantic blind panic!

The first in the series of these privately screened horror flicks saw me having to resort to repeatedly stabbing some insane smiling serial killer in the face with a pair of tailor’s scissors as this psychotic bad guy attempted to wrestle the controls for the helicopter I was piloting away from my grasp and plunge us all into the ground! No matter how many times I plunged the blades into his fleshy face (which made horrible stomach churning squishy-thudding noises) he kept smiling his inane smile! True to the cine serial killer cliché he had gone for the sartorial choice of a blue jumpsuit.

The second saw me being chased through a hokey barren winter forest (as seen in almost every Hammer horror film) by some howling and as yet unseen monstrosity, although I couldn’t see the creature now crashing through the bracken, snapping branches from the trees as it raced after me at a breakneck speed I knew it couldn’t be good! True to nightmare form I fell as my foot caught under a gnarled root and the next thing I knew my face was being chewed off by a werewolf as I pathetically attempted to swat the beast off me in a manner which implied mild annoyance more than outright terror. This seemed to go on forever and ran the risk of becoming almost boring until I woke up.



Now we get to the real deal, an actual “What the f**k?!” being uttered on waking up sort of dream.

Last night’s unique horror saw me being chased from a sunny beach (where I’d been quite happily relaxing in a balmy paradise) by a gigantic Godzilla sized Mecha-Hitler! A huge robotic/Mutant hybrid spliced with Hitler’s DNA raised itself from the deep, roared and proceeded to chase me through some nightmare city, crushing people & cars as it went, as I frantically tried to find somewhere to hide! In all other respects it was a Mecha-Godzilla but it wore a decayed leathery mask of Hitler on its face.

I’ve since braved a search of ‘Mecha-Hitler’ and the images thrown up by this included this one which frankly is spot on what I saw in my feverish dream! Just imagine this visage stretched, tearing slightly, across a robotic skull of a giant mecha-dinosaur and that’s pretty much the whole thing.zombie hitlerNow I don’t watch horror films outside of the camp Hammer/Amicus sort, I have no time for the Slasher genre either finding something odd about them. Yet somewhere I’ve seen enough to inform these nightmares. Ugh.

If anyone is into dream interpretations as a hobby, knock yourselves out. I’m flummoxed frankly. I’m worried about what tonight might bring.

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