Heard the second instalment in the Judge Dredd film franchise is on its way to being made very soon. Although it might cause some consternation with fans of the 2012 ‘Dredd’ movie as its earmarked as a buddy-comedy cop romp like classics of the 1980s such as Turner & Hooch, Beverly Hills Cop or Lethal Weapon.
Working title is supposed to be – ‘Right Said Dredd…’
Edgar Wright is earmarked for the directing and the plot sees cuddly life loving yet ultimately a bit of a loser service bot who has never really fulfilled his full servile potential Walter the Robot (or ‘Wobot’) , played by Nick frost in a dustbin and a pair of headlamps, team up with sulky misanthropic workaholic Dredd (still played by Karl Urban) in an attempt to win back Dredd’s true love Andersen after a spat during a Block War cross fire shoot out in a leafy suburb of a curiously Londencentric Mega City.
Leaked opening scene concept:
Track- ‘Boss Drum’ by the Shamen plays in the scene. Close up tracking shot of Dredd’s heavy boots stomping in rhythmic motion almost in beat to the music. A soccer ball rolls into his path, we hear some children ask for it back, he squashes it without remorse and keeps on strutting… music gets louder as still from the perspective of Dredd’s boots we see him kick a wheelchair out of the way, a cat then a baby buggy… camera pulls out to show Dredd in a simulated street scene used in order to train the new judges in a less harsh approach to law giving.
What follows is a pretty standard homage to Police Academy series with an increasingly desperate looking bunch of raw recruits being put through the meat grinder (some die in comical yet horrific live round misfire accidents and climbing rope strangulations) to the backing melody of ‘All together Now’ by the Farm as the cast credits run across the screen.
Eventually Walter wins the seemingly cold hearted and guarded Dredd over to the concept that although Dredd technically outranks Andersen a successful long term relationship is built on compromise and mutual respect and not just giving orders and filling out a series of fortnightly sex request forms. Also he should take a break from issuing arbitrary justice in the streets every night including weekends to jolly well take some time off in order to wine n’ dine Andersen (played by the utterly lovely and ever delightful Kate Ashfield.. gosh she’s lovely, really mean that.) in their local curry house at least once a week. This close friendship being achieved only by the process of a series of heart-warming but witty banter matches around a pub snug and a very funny scene where Dredd attempts to leap a garden fence in pursuit of a perp only for something completely unexpected to happen.
Andersen though decides to leave Dredd for Max Normal who runs his own successful franchise of bookies and doesn’t shoot people for littering or parking in the disabled space without a blue badge. A despondent Dredd returns to his new and empty apartment in the single Judge’s quarters and cries, his helmet’s lenses steam up and everything. Music track: ‘This is how it feels to be lonely’ by Inspiral Carpets.
Deciding to win Andersen back Dredd enlists the aid of three woefully unprepared mates to get him back to the peak of physical fitness and back in the game. What follows next are so many self aware ironic 1980s styled montage scenes that your eyes will bleed uncontrollably.
Ultimately everything goes tits up big style with the sudden and apocalyptic arrival of the Deadworld Dark Judges (Played by a heavily made up Simon Pegg, Simon Farnaby, Stephen Mangan & Bill Nighy) and much hilarious Hollywood styled blockbuster antics ensue with Dredd and Andersen being chased through the streets of London/Mega City by Judge Death & his posse on commandeered golf buggies to the soundtrack consisting of Fluke’s- ‘Absurd’. All the time Dredd is attempting to crash course teach Andersen the basics of a decent golf swing in order for her to pelt balls at the pursuing Death & pals before it all ends in a massive shoot out in a Mega City traditional boozer and a real tear jerker of a scene with Walter shot to shit, just pissing oil all over the shop whilst CGI explosions go off as the heroic couple scarper into the night and onto a late honeymoon thanks to Walter’s sacrifice.
Its okay! They managed mid flee to scoop up just enough of Walter to incorporate his ‘Banter Programme’ into a talking microwave, Walter becomes a robotic pet and we see Dredd & Andersen leave their beach hut to wander down to the sea in matching grass skirts, Andersen is visibly preggers.
Fade to black, run end credits to the Chemical Brothers ‘Let forever be’
… then wait to collect the BAFTAs!