Do you ever get public transport and look around to see the designated ‘bus nutter’ and find yourself thinking: ‘There for the grace of God go I”? I did during the first half of today’s journey.
First ‘nutter’ was a nervy, weasel like thing who kept fidgeting and switching seats with such regularity that I’m afraid my sympathy for them had run rather dry by the time we got half way through the commute and I was seriously tempted to hurl them off the bloody bus at the very next stop.
After they got off a huge guy lumbered on-board in the worst looking, most ill-fitting tiny wig I have ever seen! It didn’t even begin to match the colour of his remaining hair at the sides and looked as though it had been made from some sort of ginger plastic fibre as it shimmered unconvincingly under the light. At one point we went over a hump in the road and I swear it spun around full circle. I had to chew my parka’s hood to stifle the laughter which I just couldn’t contain anymore.
Thankfully he got off a few stops from where he had caught the bus but then I found that once I’d started giggling I couldn’t stop, from nowhere the lyrics from Big Bottoms from the film Spinal Tap popped into my head for some unknowable reason and as the refrain of ‘The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin’ ‘ looped in my inner voice I almost choked trying to remain still and quiet in a dignified manner.
I just know that the guy sat behind me was thinking: ‘Oh Christ! Why do I always get the Bus Nutter sat in front of me!’
I’m pretty sure that if you’re forced to get public transport for the right amount of time everyone has to do their stint as the ‘Bus Nutter’ at some point.